August 7th Update: Very Scared

For those that know me, you are aware I am an open book with my thoughts and feelings.  Along this journey born out of my losses, I have probably not held back one single thought or emotion and whether that is a good thing or bad thing………..it is me.  I don’t pretend I am strong when I am not.  I do not pretend I am happy when I am not. As it pertains to this update, fear would be the key word.  The journey to Kona has been full of ups and downs as expected.  Injuries, aches, pains, life……..they all have their part in this story.  In particular this last week really hit me over the head with the fact race day is only 2 months away.  It seems like just yesterday I was thinking I was ahead with my schedule and had so much time to prepare and now I am likely a month from tapering.  I went from very confident to scared out of my mind.  While my ankle has been fairly solid, there is always something and the latest is a potential cracked rib that is very much aggravated by the run.  Once aggravated, the swim is almost impossible which is very troubling because I am missing swim workouts which is more troubling because I am not great on the swim.  All this being said, I just keep pushing forward and doing what I can.  My other two stress points are being behind on the run and my deterioration in the heat.  I have had to tread lightly to work through my surgically repaired ankle and it has me behind where I would like to be from a distance perspective and from a run interval perspective. I have been running 1 minute and walking 1 minute.  It has gone okay but there is not a lot of room for error when your main workout is only a 1-1 split.  This coupled with some heat on Sunday really highlighted my concern.  I had a one hour workout on the bike trainer followed by a 12 mile run.  Everything was great until about mile 8 when my body faded unbelievably fast.  I was keeping a 9:38 per mile pace which is not overly impressive but certainly more tolerable when you remember I am only running half the time.  At about mile 8, I started to feel very under the weather.  I was dizzy and that one minute run seemed to last a lifetime.  By the very end, I was crawling for the run and ended at a 9:58 pace……….a big drop for only 4 miles.  The biggest concern is whether I would have been able to get through another 14 miles.  I believe the answer is yes but I am not sure and uncertainty is a breeding ground for stress  Would walking 100% of the time slow down my deterioration?  If 12 miles turned out to be so difficult, how do I go 26.2 miles?  There is not a ton of time left to figure all of this out.  This week I was thinking back to last year when I was talking with Christopher Trent, friend and the Team in Training representative for Kona in 2016.  I was talking with him about the race and he very confidently exclaimed that he would finish without question.  As I sit here typing, I do not feel confident making that same statement.  I can confidently say I will have to black out and be hauled away in an ambulance before I give up but I cannot say finishing is a certainty.

On a brighter note, I did ride 113 miles on Saturday and that went well.  I ran 3 miles off the bike and that also went fine.  I have been having some pain in my left foot that is tainting my transition off of the bike and plan to get in to see my doc this week to try and figure it out.  The good news is that while it is a 10 on a pain scale immediately off the bike, if I push through the pain it passes.  As I said above, it is always something!!

On another bright note.  I believe we have a good shot at raising $100,000.  That is the first hurdle I need to clear to ease some stress and while I am not there yet, I believe we have a good path. In order to hit our goal of $130,000, I will need a great turnout for our 5K (either virtually or live on September 9th) and some help from our Community Team.  Nobody is giving up over here and we will do all we can to reach and exceed our goal.  We also have Legendary Bingo at Hamburger Mary’s on August 20th at 8pm so please join us if you want to have some fun and help kick cancer in the face.  For more info on the race and bingo, you can click the links below.  Thanks for everything.  I am scared but still fighting.

5K: http://tinyurl.com/r2k5K (link is also on the home page)

Legendary Bingo: Click Here for Facebook Event

Christopher D. Wilno